New Beginnings

It's the middle of the night and I can't sleep. So much is going through my brain --mostly how I feel like my twenties have been a big waste of time. Of course I have had some major accomplishments during this stage of my life, such as marrying my best friend and supporter (He will be referred to as "C" from here on out). But otherwise, I have not succeeded in my dreams.

This big realization comes on the eve of my last year in my twenties. So often I have made goals to improve myself, but I rarely see them through. In fact, a dear friend mentioned that very fact tonight, and looking back I couldn't agree with him more. I committed six years of my life to a focused post high school education and did nothing with it. Even after college, I began multiple career moves of various backgrounds, but didn't continue due to health issues, road blocks, confusion, or just plain fear. I have this major issue of getting excited about a new career move, and then hating it midway --because it just doesn't fit my personality despite my belief it would. And that needs to stop now. I need to know what it feels like to succeed. Even in personal goals, like weight loss, I am my worst enemy. I need to learn how to push through the muck in order to get to my dreams, and not throw in the towel when things get tough.

With these thoughts in mind, I did some major soul searching. I realized I should have just stuck with my first career goal I made, and majored in, in college. This is the only time I was truly happy doing something with a career focus. So why did I give it up? Oh I know... it got hard and I got lazy. Looking back though, if I would have stuck it out and not given up, I would be in a way better place right now. Lesson learned! Now I get to relearn a language I haven't used in years to accomplish a big career goal. Something I really want to do and have to finish this time.

What makes me sad is that it seems like few people believe I will accomplish this goal. They seem to think this is another idea I will start and not finish. I can't blame them for thinking that way if they do. After all... that's been my pattern. But I need this goal more than ever. I can't be the person standing in my own way anymore. So I started this blog, in part, to keep me accountable.

However, there is more to this blog than that. I am using this platform to express the joy and gratitude I find along my journey. Just like my blog title says I will be "Infinitely Thankful" for all that I have. And I have so much to be thankful for! I live in a free country. I can read. I am able to accomplish my dreams. Etc, etc, etc. How amazing is that? My hope is that as I express my gratitude this coming year (remember, the LAST year in my twenties), I will be able to find happiness/enjoyment in my goals. And one thing I have learned in my short life is that if I don't find something enjoyable, then I won't do it. I don't want to feel like a failure anymore. Instead I want to feel the gratitude of accomplishment in all that I do.

How this blog will work is... well, I'm not sure how exactly it will work as things need to evolve. But my plan is to try and have every post with a theme of gratitude. However, if this theme doesn't happen in every post, I will most definitely be ending each post with "I am infinitely thankful for.." I think it has a nice ring to it.

So without further ado, I am infinitely thankful for beginnings. There is beauty in beginnings and a lot of hope. And hope is what keeps us going.